Cuesta Rey Cigars and the "Cult of Cool . . ."

Upon graduating from Chaplain's Officer Basic Leadership Course (Jan. - April 2007), I was awarded a diploma, the regimental crest of the United States Army Chaplaincy, and most importantly, a gourmet Spanish cigar from my friend and Chaplaincy Colleague, 2LT Marc Hoffman.

Hoffman, a fellow Pentecostal-charismatic Chaplain, could sense that I had notoriously bad taste in cigar-smoking (at that time "Swisher Sweets" . . .) and so "awarded" me with one of his prized collection Spanish cigars . . .

So, there we were, 2LT Hoffman, CH (1LT) Sneed (a southern Baptist compadre) and myself, smoking the night away in Ft. Jackson per diem style (yes, your tax dollars were actually spent on Chaplains smoking cigars . . . sorry about that one! :-)

Now, what is it that makes some things "cool" while other things, "ver boten" in upper echeolons of society?

Sure. a Swisher Sweet did me fine while smokin' outside of the Officer's Quarters for Chaplains and others at Ft. Jackson. In fact, my Black friends, one Baptist abstaining, thought that my "Swisher Sweets" were QUITE COOL . . . A female Apostolic friend (bishop of numerous churches in Africa) even said that it reminded her of her husband's own cigar afficiando-smoking. BUT, outside of those who know that really a cigar is "just a bunch of tobacco rolled up" (black folks just have more sense than we white boy Pentecostal preachers!!! :-), for some reason, "Swisher Sweets" just wouldn't fly in certain more uppity areas.

Take for example my new home of St. Petersburg, Florida. Whereas in some quarters, such "ordinary" cigars are fine, welcome and "even cool," in those "yacht club" new money places, suddenly it's not just "smoking a cigar" that counts, it has to be the "right" cigar (just like those $78 jeans "on sale" at BayWalk, the nouveau riche shopping district of downtown St. Pete).

BUT, according to the theory of Natural Law thinking in which "truth is truth" no matter where it can be found, and no matter which race or "class" one is in, a cigar and any cigar is really just a pile of rolled up tobacco leaves, hand-made or NOT!

Now, here is where the American and European-Indian "Cult of Cool" suddenly has a major flaw, namely, to what extent is "cool" utterly "aribitrary." For example, at one point the singer Debbie Gibson was a female pop star whom everyone oogled after, but now, it's like "Debbie Who?" Similarly, with the famous Cuesta Rey Cigar Phenom (yes, these cigars can cost $8 - 20 per cigar!!!), the humor in it all is that the Spanish word for cost is, you guessed it, "CUESTA." As in "cuanto cuesta?" which means, of course as anyone who has haggled in a Latin American flea market, "How much does it cost?" Also, "REY" is none other than the Spanish word for "KING."

So, if you put "CUESTA" and "REY" together, the name of that deliciously expensive cigar (demaisado caro!) is, none other than, "COST KING."

Now, next time you "light up," go up to the counter of your local snobby cigar joint (I buy mine at a Discount dealer run by a nice Arabic man), and proudly ask for their finest cigar, say, "I smoke NOTHING but COST KING cigars!!!"

So, there you have it, from Cuesta Rey to "COST KING," in one bold move, thereby defeating the evil panapoly of Cigar Smokin', Liquor-Drinkin', Beemer drivin' corporate thugs who try to legislate for us what is "cool" by simply overpricing items. I cannot wait to meet Donald Trump some day and say, Mr. Trump, would you care to have a "Cuesta Rey" on the house, and then the second Mr. Trump lights up and puffs, I'll drop the bomb and say, "Why yes, it means, 'COST KING' in Espanol . . ."

Viva la Republica de los Estados Unidos para la Obra de Dios.

Love & Blessings in Jesus,
Rob